Icha Icha Burning
by cold fingers
Summary: KakaIru Kakashi returns home to a small bonfire in his backyard. What in the world is Iruka burning? Late April Fool's.


Kakashi returned home to the smell of smoke. No, the house he resided in wasn't reduced to ashes; there was a small bonfire going on in the backyard. Concerned, Kakashi walked swiftly to the back. The sight of the bonfire first greeted him, the flames burning low. Kakashi then turned his head and saw Iruka. The chunnin was busy, throwing an object into the fire. _What is it?_

"I'm back, Iruka, from my mission," It was a simple mission. Travel to Land of Nowhere, assassinate Possible Threat to Konoha, steal Scroll of Doom, and make sure to not get killed.

"Oh good. You're just in time to help me finish my Spring Cleaning." With that said, Iruka threw another unidentified item into the fire, the flames crackled with delight.

Kakashi walked toward a pile of old, worn clothes. "What are you going to do with those?" he asks.

"Mh? Oh, I'm going to drop them off at the shelter."

"Then what are those things you keep throwing into the fire? Why don't you just donate those also?"

"They aren't appropriate for anyone to read. That's why I'm burning them."

With that answer, Kakashi became interested. He stepped closer to the fire, peering into the flames, but not too close to get burned. It appeared to be a book. It seemed orange, but it was hard to tell since the fire was turning it into ash. Kakashi turned his attention to another book in the fire. This time it was faced upwards. A ruined picture of...

_It can't be...Iruka wouldn't be that cruel, right?_

...a girl, scantily-clad, being chased by a man in a brown suit.

_Lost all will to live. Which god have I angered?_

A girlish-scream erupted from Kakashi.

"What? What's going on Kakashi?" Iruka said wildly. Even though Iruka didn't know Kakashi his whole life, he knew the one-eyed ninja did not scream. It was creeping Iruka out right now. He slowly backed away from the fire and Kakashi.

"ICHA ICHA?? MY BABIES!"

"OHHhhhh... I get it now. Remember how I always said that I'd eventually burn your books? Well, since you were gone, and I had nothing to do, I just decided to clean up the house. I just saw the books on your shelf and thought 'Why not?'"

"How many are gone? How many did you burn? I can't believe you burned them. I thought you were just joking all those times. I mean you never joke but I thought you were so then I ignored you and then you really did burn them. How many did you burn?? One? Two? THREE?"

It amazed Iruka how Kakashi managed to say this all in one breath. Maybe fast-talking was a skill you got when you became jounin. That would certainly come in handy in class; when school was about to end, and no lecturing had taken place yet.

"I burned all of them, Kakashi," Iruka managed to choke out. He was still surprised by the scarecrow's reaction.

"All 28?" Kakashi asked, his voice just barely above a whisper.

"Yeah...," But Kakashi didn't hear the teacher. He fainted already.

* * *

"Kakashi...Kakashi, wake up. Come on, wake up. KAKASHI!" That didn't work. The jounin had a major fainting attack, so Iruka did the only thing that seemed reasonable at the time. He slapped Kakashi. Iruka suddenly regretted it. Being a jounin gave Kakashi fast reflexes, but, luckily, being an Academy teacher gave Iruka fast reflexes also. Iruka barely dodged the kunai heading to his throat.

"Iruka? Ugh...," Kakashi said sluggishly. "OH! I'm so sorry! Did I get you?" He finally realized what he almost did to Iruka.

"Nah, I'm fine," Iruka breathlessly responded, but he rubbed his neck to reassure himself.

"I just had the worst dream in the world Iruka. You actually burned all my Icha Icha books. ALL OF THEM."

"Actually, Kakashi, I did...You know how I feel about that junk you read."

"It really happened? I'm in a nightmare!" The Kakashi added, "It isn't junk, it's literature. The papers your students write are junk."

"HEY!"

"Just kidding." Iruka still hit the back of Kakashi's head.

"I can't believe you burned them all...You know what? To punish you, I'm not going to do it with you, forever." Kakashi stretched out the word 'forever'.

"Okay..."

"I MEAN IT, IRUKA!"

"I know you do, Kakashi."

"I'm serious!"

Inside, Iruka sighed. "Oh no! I won't ever get laid again! Ohhhhh... Why?" With that, Iruka started sobbing. Well, not really. Anyone could tell he was acting.

"I'm going inside. Put out the fire, Kakashi, or else it'll spread."

"Guh..." _I should just let it spread. Life has lost all meaning._

* * *

Ten hours after what Kakashi had dubbed _The Moment Life Had Lost All Meaning_, or TMLHLAM for short, Kakashi broke. TMLHLAM was a horrible acronym. No matter how, you couldn't pronounce it to sound like a word. It was the best he could come up with, though. Ever since TMLHLAM, the Sharingan-user became silent. Even more silent then Sasuke. Currently the score was **Sasuke with ten grunts**, and **Kakashi with a total of four grunts**, but who was counting?

Nightfall finally came, and Iruka and Kakashi got ready for bed. Iruka went to his side and Kakashi went to the other side. An hour later, Kakashi spoke.

"Iruka, you still awake?"

"Mh? Yeah...I am, I guess," In reality, Kakashi woke him up, but since it was hours since Kakashi last spoke, he wasn't going to tell him.

"You know I was just joking, right? Kidding when I said that I was going to stop doing it with you," At that point, Kakashi's voice hit a new high.

"Really? And here I thought you were serious."

"NO, NO. I was kidding, lying, whatever you want to call it."

"Well...I guess I was lying too."

"About what?"

"When I said I burned all your books. I only burned one set. You still have your other one."

"BUT, but that was my emergency set...FOR EMERGENCIES!"

"Calm down, Kakashi. You still have one WHOLE set. What's the point in having two?"

"EMERGENCIES!!"

"Okay...I get the point. Anyways, April Fools. Even though this is the wrong time to say it."

"It's...April...Fools?" Kakashi whispered weakly.

"Yeah. Didn't you know?"

"Uhhh...yeah. I knew. HAHA," It was forced laughter, but Iruka didn't have to know. "I was, uh, just testing you. Congratulations! You win!"

"What's my prize?"

Instead of answering, Kakashi moved closer in to Iruka.

"Oh."

Suddenly, Kakashi moved his head back, so he could get a clear view of Iruka, even thought it was dark. "Iruka, that was the worst joke in the world. Seriously, in the history of April Fool's pranks. Never, ever do that again. Remember, Worst Ever," but Kakashi could feel Iruka smiling.

"April Fool's, Kakashi," Iruka repeated.


End file.
